Letters to Hannah

Rogue philosophy at its (almost) finest

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Nerds with guns

August 08, 2019

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On an ancient custom of the Babylonians

Dear M, Montaigne once said he could find something attractive on nearly any woman, but this is far too upbeat for me. Amy Schumer had great legs, but who wants to think too much about them? They're attached to Amy Schumer; and the package deal is too painful to really be called a deal -- it has all the qualities of the bargain bin. You buy the legs and you've bought the mouth.

I've moved to Substack

Dear reader, After years of getting shadowbanned by Facebook and Twitter I've moved to Substack. My views have already gotten better, and I'm looking forward to seeing you there. The link is https://lettersofj.substack.com . Yours, -J P.S. The app seems to be pretty good too, and allows you to follow lots of great writers pretty easily.

Why "liberal" means "left-winger"

Dear T, Two of my heroes are Mises and Ayn Rand , but for several reasons I could never consider myself a full-blown libertarian. First off is the fact that you can and should legislate morality, and in fact every libertarian without exception does . All government is an extension of moral ideas. He won't prosecute you for stealing a wife, but he'll put you in jail for stealing a loaf; and beyond this he'll do the same thing for murder, and fraud, and kidnapping, and assault -- all of them moral issues, and 100% featured in the book of Deuteronomy.

The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these

Dear Hannah, The best targets for swindlers are the youngest and the oldest; and the oldest prove it because they're the best at fooling themselves. We know this because we asked a bunch of hundred year-olds how they got to be a hundred and got a hundred different answers. One woman said it was garlic. Another one said it was wine. Others said not drinking wine and others said walks and none of them said medicine; and what we concluded is that a hundred year-old survives to a hundred by dumb luck. There's no real science to survival and our survivors have proved it. They were all shooting blind and got bullseyes; and the people who gave us good answers are all buried.

In defense of transgenders in sports

Dear T-, So far from being against transgenders in women's sports I'm for it. If possible I'd like for all sports to be integrated immediately. For too long leftists have been telling us the sexes were equal . Then a 230lb beefcake named Hannah Mouncey grew his hair out and started trouncing the women at handball. Fallon Fox joined the MMA and beat the "ladies" to a bloody pulp. Mack Beggs became a female wrestler, God bless him, and choke-held the girls until all of them cried uncle. All of them weirdos, and all of them heroes.

Random early morning thoughts

Dear S, Some random thoughts for you this morning, well before sunrise. 1) There are two kinds of perfect people. The first, a person who does what's "right" all the time, is a figment of the imagination and never existed anywhere, and in fact can't exist anywhere. The second is a person you look at, at that moment, and wouldn't change a thing. I know none of the first and lots of the second.

Nerds with guns

Dear T-. My position on breeding is as follows: I'm for it. Not for everyone, but definitely for me, and ultimately in excess . I think this is the position most honest and healthy men have at heart; and the idea that everyone should have one wife is a nice idea and a safe idea -- but certainly not a fun idea. The problem with polygamy lies in what you'd do with the other men. You get one Solomon and 999 guys are left horny and angry and jealous -- and what do you do with the majority of your women? Sure they're all yours; but are they really? Do you really have the time to sweet-talk and caress all of them enough to make them really love you? And can you keep enough of an eye on them to bar them from the other 999 horn-dogs? Too much work if you ask me.

The last refuge of the moron

Dear H, Brittney Cooper Brittney Cooper, author of the smash hit Eloquent Rage: a Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower , wanted to be a professor and she got it. This is the basis of her complaint on NBC . Somebody told her, years ago, that the only person she could control was herself, and beyond this that if she didn't smoke crack, or get knocked up, or shoot her neighbors, or steal sneakers, or blow her money on gold chains and spinning rims, and made good choices in general, she would "make it." And she did make the right choices -- to become a professor. Now she has tenure and can say stupid things and nobody can fire her. What she deeply regrets is not having children. Who's to blame for all this? Her wild success implies that it's her. Who does she blame? White neoliberals and their "perverse form of a social gospel."

Your body, my choice

Dear M, I never actually believed in my body, my choice -- not only because it was invented to dissect someone else's body, but because it was never legal to jerk off in public. I've seen people try and it ends badly, whether or not the person is famous; and at most the saying only applies to women. For men, my body, my choice goes until a woman hears or sees you and then it's over -- for instance, until she hears you say let's make a baby at work when you're ugly . Was her body affected? No. But then your body can't go back to Target.

For the love of God, stand up for yourselves!

Dear readers, How do you feel in the third week of black lives mattering? That is, now that your white friends and fellow churchgoers, parents and coworkers, siblings and grandparents, lovers and spouses, your friendly neighborhood policemen, your founding fathers and saints, your ancestors and your children have all been mercilessly kicked, slandered, threatened, in many cases surrounded and violently beaten -- now that the police who protect you in major cities have been defunded; now that your businesses have been looted; now that Merriam-Webster says it's impossible to be racist to white people ; now that you've been called names, made fun of all over Facebook and Twitter, told you're a problem because of your skin color; that you don't deserve what you have; that you're a robber and an oppressor; that you have it easier than millionaire celebrities like Don Lemon and Lebron James ; that the future doesn't belong to you; that no matter how many black square

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