Letters to Hannah

Rogue philosophy at its (almost) finest

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Who are the brain police?

June 07, 2019

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Scout's Honor

June 04, 2019

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In defense of transgenders in sports

Dear T-, So far from being against transgenders in women's sports I'm for it. If possible I'd like for all sports to be integrated immediately. For too long leftists have been telling us the sexes were equal . Then a 230lb beefcake named Hannah Mouncey grew his hair out and started trouncing the women at handball. Fallon Fox joined the MMA and beat the "ladies" to a bloody pulp. Mack Beggs became a female wrestler, God bless him, and choke-held the girls until all of them cried uncle. All of them weirdos, and all of them heroes.

Two weeks (a short history of your smug *sshole neighbor)

Afternoon there, neighbor! There's a new disease in town and I wanted you to know about it. It gives the chills and sweats and headaches and fevers and diarrhea and a cough and it can kill you. Not a cold or a flu, but a new thing. It can kill most of us it turns out. Very dangerous. We're going to have to lock you down, in fact. For your well-being. Two weeks is all we ask to flatten this curve. What's a curve? Funny you ask. It's when too many people get put into the hospital. We just want to slow the numbers. Whittle them down a bit. Lock you out of work and church and play for two weeks. Totally worth it, we promise.

For the love of God, stand up for yourselves!

Dear readers, How do you feel in the third week of black lives mattering? That is, now that your white friends and fellow churchgoers, parents and coworkers, siblings and grandparents, lovers and spouses, your friendly neighborhood policemen, your founding fathers and saints, your ancestors and your children have all been mercilessly kicked, slandered, threatened, in many cases surrounded and violently beaten -- now that the police who protect you in major cities have been defunded; now that your businesses have been looted; now that Merriam-Webster says it's impossible to be racist to white people ; now that you've been called names, made fun of all over Facebook and Twitter, told you're a problem because of your skin color; that you don't deserve what you have; that you're a robber and an oppressor; that you have it easier than millionaire celebrities like Don Lemon and Lebron James ; that the future doesn't belong to you; that no matter how many black square

Apologies to President Obama

Dear H, Trump Derangement Syndrome is real, but we on the Republican side have yet to develop an immunity to Obama. Nothing the man said, in office, would please us. And how could it? We could sniff his hijinks out for miles. He was throwing us under the bus on the first day. Going on apology tours and bowing to enemies. Talking about how he was going to personally roll back the oceans, about Americans clinging to our guns and our religion, about how the future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam . He said Obamacare would be debated publicly and then rammed it through behind closed doors.

Before there was Texas

Dear Hannah, They say that before there was Texas as we know it today there was a lush jungle. The Ice Age had made most of the planet a wasteland but around the equator things were most livable; and some of our ancestors, before there were Indians, had apparently decided to move there. These people who weren't quite people lived with and against the mammoth and the great American elephant and the ground sloth and made flint spears and huddled in tribes and lived to about 20. They left little besides charred wood and primitive tools and old bones and stone statues.

"All life is precious" and other idiotic ideas

Dear Hannah, There are only a couple of people I know who've taken a stand against the slogan all life is precious , and one of them is me. The good news for me is that the other one appears to be God.

The Great Shame

Dear M, When I was a small boy I was told about a coming judgment. Mom said that God was the judge, but what stuck with me more forcefully was the idea of how He would do it. There would be a great TV in the sky with all our deeds on view -- all of them, large and small -- and everyone would see what kind of life we lived.

Don't they matter too much already?

Dear H, I believe that black lives matter -- but not if they belong to Black Lives Matter. They think they matter too much.

On going to college

Dear H, The way to spot a man of genuine intelligence isn't to look at his brains, but to look at his stomach. I don't care if you have a degree. What do you feed on? Can you stop reading? Can you stop talking about and chewing on tough ideas? Does new information scare you, or do you take it as a challenge?

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