Sniffing out the sluts

Dear Hannah,

The existence of noses has eluded thinkers for centuries.  This mysterious appendage, allegedly right on our faces, is so confusing in its features and so varying in its powers that Plato himself, at least in any of his writings, never admitted its existence.  Is it hooked or straight?  Is it pointy or flat?  Is it brown or pink or freckled or black?  Is it hairy when you're old, or hairless when you're young?  The Realm of Forms was ransacked and so-called "noses" remained elusive.

We went in vain to the teachings of the Apostles, but nothing could be found except an unhelpful allusion by Paul.  In fact, the discovery of noses was made around 1909 by an Englishman named Chesterton.  He found that whether noses were flat or pointy or brown that each of us had one and we could tell because we could see it. Definitions be damned, the diversity of noses was proof of our noses, not proof against them.  And he reasoned from there that the same was true of our morals.  

There are of course many ways of doing things; but humans had always believed there was a way to do them, and they were convinced beyond this that the people who didn't do them rightly ought to be punished.  To most people killing an innocent is wrong.  To some people killing a criminal is wrong.  But to all people killing indiscriminately is wrong; and that's why everyone has some kind of law about killing.  Mankind is wildly, confusingly, backwardly, stupidly, contentiously moral -- but we're always moral.

The Atlantic is completely unaware of this and that's why they published There's No Such Thing as a Slut.  What they found is that if you gathered a bunch of college girls in a room that they each used the term slut differently.  They used it for different things and for different people.  They used it when a woman had a short skirt or when a short-skirted woman danced wildly.  They used it when a woman had vaginal intercourse or when she only gave blow-jobs.  They used it when people were having sex with lots of people and when they were having sex with a few.  And what The Atlantic concluded was that sluts must be imaginary.  Nobody had a dictionary for a word so nobody could find the existence of a thing.  Women use it unfairly and so there's no really fair way to use it.

Yet despite Porsches and Hyundais we still have "cars."   Despite pygmies and Germans we still have "people."  There are thousands of religions (only one of them potentially true) and yet we call them religions, and thousands of legal systems (many of them backward) but still a definition of countries.  We know there's a slut because we've met one.  We know that a woman's sexuality has gotten out of control and she's ruined someone's life over it.  We know that sex is bigger than just thrusting and grunting and that whether you get a disease or you end up paying child support or you get cheated on or (worst of all) that you get cuckolded that sex hurts and it hurts worst because of certain kinds of people.  So we make these labels and we use them; sometimes rightly and other times wrongly; sometimes wisely and other times foolishly; sometimes to control others and others times to protect ourselves; sometimes to describe a thing and another time to cause confusion.  But the thing exists, and it exists whatever we say about it.  It exists whether we call it one thing or another and whether we say it exists or it doesn't; and it exists because every country in the world has rules about sex and if you step beyond them they hate you.

We say there's no such thing as a slut because our women are incapable of using terms rightly.  We would be better off saying our sorority girls are cruel, or stupid, or false*.  Or that maybe in an age where we've thrown away too many sexual rules, women have to be cruel and false to protect themselves from anarchy; and that they're willing to destroy the reputations of other women if it means they can get and hang on to a man.  In short maybe they're making up for the loss of chastity and marriage in the only way they know how; and if society won't keep a man in line for them, a man they need to protect and support them in pregnancy and parenthood -- one of the most primal, biologically, psychologically important aspects of our existence -- then they'll try to do it in one of two ways.  The first way is to get the majority of men to force the entirety of men to support women through child support.  The second way to do it is by destroying the other women.

Your father,

*Despite the thousands of chances feminists give me to make fun of them I don't believe women in general are stupid, which means in this instance they're dishonest and vicious.  The question is, why?

It's very obvious after reading The Atlantic that women use slut much more often than men, and the reason they use it is practical.  When a man calls a woman a slut it's because her sexuality is a threat to him; and thus he uses it sparingly and when he uses it he most usually uses it rightly.  When a woman calls a woman a slut it's because her sexuality is a threat to her, which means she uses it constantly and when she uses it she most usually uses it wrongly.  When ugly women call a beautiful woman a slut I take it with a grain of salt.  When beautiful women call an ugly woman a slut I take it as the voice of God.  The former have all the threat in the world and they're fighting a war for their ovaries.  The latter have no threat to them at all and they're probably just speaking the facts.

**It might be objected that slut is a terrible word because we never call men sluts.  Why have a word for only women who misbehave sexually?  Why not call them both the same thing?  Which leads me to answer that we do have a word for men and it's so useful for so many things that we never needed another one.  Whether men are deadbeat dads or bad drivers or bossy or rude or selfish or slutty or play Lil' Yachty on anything other than headphones we call them assholes; a term I'm willing to call any woman if she prefers it and deserves it.

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